(6.20.23)
….via Chicago
Around 2015 I decided that it would be nice to finally have my shit together by the time I turned 45.
On my 45th birthday, I left Chicago with all my life in a Uhaul trailer and drove west until I hit the ocean.
It has been a far more difficult and far more rewarding journey than I could have imagined, and I need a place to let out some emotions and creativity that isn’t so dependent on social media and feedback.
This is for me, but I hope you enjoy snapshots of my journey and are inspired to try some new adventures…
How tf did I get here?
I grew up in Chicago but traveled to the east coast a handful of times before middle school. I loved the ocean and wanted to be an oceanographer. Midwest life got in the way, and for decades I struggled to honor that kid’s dreams and my own…
About a decade ago I visited some friends in LA and loved the entire brief vacation. My first view of the Pacific Ocean was from atop Mount Allen, and I stepped off the left coast for the first time at El Matador beach. A great experience overall, but it didn’t occur to me that I might move out of Chicago some day. I had too much unfinished work and life in Chicago to even see that wall in my mind let alone climb it. My internal narrative was that I would never succeed in a new place because I hadn’t truly succeeded in the old one.
As I witnessed more and more friends escape Chicago, often to start a new life on the West Coast, I really admired the courage they all had to leave home and expand their universe. I’ve had a nice creative career, collaborating with some fine humans who took me on trips to interesting new places, but they weren’t my own adventures….
I booked a solo camping trip at Malibu Creek State Park for 4 days in December of 2021. I had been slowly collecting camping gear and taking small trips, but needed to do something bigger and challenge some fears. I packed an absurd amount of camping gear into four duffel bags and a roller, and packed my old self into a suitcase that I left in Chicago….
I was on PCH in a rental car less than 45 minutes after I had landed at LAX. I looked out at the beach to my left and the setting sun out in front of me over the coastal edge of the mountains, and a huge wave of emotion came over me. I blurted out, “Fuck, I’m moving to California, aren’t I?”
I hadn’t even touched the ground with my bare feet yet, but I just knew it. The nostalgic sunlight was installed in my chest cavity, and my smile seemed to take a shape I hadn’t seen or experienced before; similar to other weary humans I had seen escape the midwest winters. Somehow my default expression transformed from masking chronic pain or feigned contentment, into sweaty squinched eyes and bubbling laughter. I knew instantly in that moment that deep inner peace was possible, but I couldn’t live in Chicago anymore, and I would have to take on the very difficult task of facing all my biggest fears in life.
24 hours into the trip I changed my flight and extended my camping reservation, and I ended up staying for 10 days. The 85 year storm on 12/30/21 was a fun and sometimes scary challenge, but I survived. I made some new kind and thoughtful friends, most of whom are first or second generation folks from all over the world, who made me feel at home in California before I was even a resident. And I found my younger self hiding in the ocean; little dude was waiting there the whole time for me to show up…
I ended up having brunch at Cafe on 27 in Topanga a few days into my trip, and quickly decided that Topanga was the place to focus my relocation searches. Topanga has a vibrant creative history, and is filled with kind, charitable, and environmentally conscious people. Everyone seems to recognize how special this place is, and they want to share it’s magic. And it’s the most beautiful scenic drive from the 101 to PCH on Topanga Canyon Blvd! So when I returned to Chicago I started to quietly wind down my work and personal life there, and knew I was going to have to say some difficult goodbyes to some supportive friends. Still, I spent hours each day looking for a cottage to rent in Topanga...
In April of 2022 I flew out to see a few places and thankfully found the coolest cottage in town. In needed lots of work and even though just a rental, I put in a lot of time fixing it up… and not so much time investing in new friends and work relationships. So its been a bit of a slow start but I have no regrets about the move and have had many joyful teary eyed moments. The people that I have gotten to know in Topanga and in LA have all been really supportive and kind humans, and I’m super grateful for their hospitality and friendship! Special shoutout and hugs to La Chingona taco fam!
More adventures and photos coming to this page(/blog?) soon.
- Michael H
…..There are many lows and highs that come from taking on this immense challenge, but I’m just riding the waves. Sure, hundreds of thousands of people have migrated west with similar stories and mine isn’t so unique or special, I’m just glad its a very different narrative than the one I had been blindly following for so long…
My new home beach, Topanga Beach, is only 20 minutes south via the most beautiful drive you can imagine. Its a great place to meditate, the unrelenting waves remind me that each difficult moment and day will pass, and that there are many beautiful challenges and adventures ahead…
I am so grateful for all the experiences I’ve had in my first year in Topanga. I spent much of this time alone, finding what makes me happy and growing through fierce independence. Though solitude has it’s merits, the time has arrived for me to finally emerge from an introvert’s cocoon and make some new bonds…. Now accepting friend requests virtually and in person : )
Transformations are often slow, and it may take me a couple more years to feel I like actually belong and fit in here, but the locals seem to be determined to make me feel welcome!
Topanga is magical, and so are the Topangans…..
thanks for viewing and sharing!
more california images: ‘Exfiltration’
more thoughts and some video coming soon…
________________________
(scroll down for some newer entries…)
Topanga Days 2023
I missed out on Topanga Days 2022 (2022 parade photographs below), but this year I bought a TCC membership and weekend pass for Topanga Days 2023 and glad I didn’t miss this one! I got to see and hear about lots of local traditions and all the fine people behind those stories. Topanga really is a magical place, and I’m so glad I chose this place to find my creative voice and some inner peace. I’m grateful to witness others celebrate and create with such freedom and joy. I’m glad to have made some friends and acquaintances and creative work leads in town, and am rally looking forward to meeting more new friends as I settle in here over the coming months and years. Year one in Topanga was so rewarding and I’m glad Topanga Days coincides with anniversary of me moving here; I can celebrate my birthday and Topanga rebirth each May! : ).
Topanga Days Parade 2022
Topanga Film Festival 2022
(7.3.23)
La Chingona
I miss Chicago food. A lot. And I miss the Chicagoans that often spoiled me with comfort food and accepted me as chosen family.
Find good food and you will likely find good people all around…
Shortly after moving to Topanga, my friend Tatiana recommended I check out a pop up taco place in Topanga across from Hidden Treasures on 27. “La Chingona”. The Badass. While placing my first order I was immediately welcomed like an old friend by the owner Adriana, and for a second thought she may have mistaken me for someone she knew. Nope, she is just that genuinely nice to everyone. Her partner Calvin was ringing me up and same thing, greeted me like I lived in Topanga for decade. I can’t say enough about how much this crew had made me feel at home in Topanga.
I’m so grateful for their friendship, and the taco medicine! Because of course the food was amazing. I think I ate there about 10 times before I even realized it was vegan and there was no cheese on my tacos. I love cheese, but I don’t miss it all when I eat there like six times a month.
There is such a great sense of community at these pop-ups, and I’m so glad the town has been rallying around Adriana while she transitions into a new super chingon food truck! I hope Froggy’s is open full time again soon too. Corazon and Froggy’s are the heart and lungs of Topanga!
Make sure you try some taco medicine the next time you are in Topanga!
And hire them to cater your events!
Silverback Academy summer camp!
I met the very inspiring and talented Coach Calvin at La Chingona, and am so glad I got invited to capture some fun photos at his summer camp! Calvin is a certified personal trainer and he made sure these kids were all having fun and staying engaged all morning.
Even before the pandemic I used notice how there was never anyone outside on suburban streets and baseball fields were almost always empty, everyone inside on their screens watching the world happen instead of doing some main character stuff. I saw no screens on this day except for on the stop watches!
Coach Calvin is such a compassionate human and he does lots of work in the community, for kids from all kinds of backgrounds and skill levels, and sometimes/often tough family histories. If you can believe it, his heart is even bigger and stronger than his arms : )
Looking forward to the next camp day and bringing some strobes for some different looks!
Check out the Silverback Academy Instagram page to get in touch with Coach Calvin!
